Ai Unwanted
by fuyu-no-tsuki
Summary: Edward's refusal to move on is getting to Heiderich. Will Ed see before he goes to far? EdXHei


Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist does not belong to me. But for now... Grins wickedly.

Description: Edward's refusal to move on is getting to Heiderich. Will Ed see before he goes to far? EdXHei! Yay!

Author Note: Heiderich is one of those depressing characters that you want to glomp and make everything better. Also, I need to work on my Ed pairings.

* * *

He sat in an uncomfortable chair and waited patiently for the man in the white coat to speak

"I'm sorry Mr. Heiderich but the test came back positive."

He had been expecting this but that didn't lessen the blow. "How long?"

"At the most, two years."

He had always been blunt, right from the start. That's why Heiderich had wanted him. He wanted to know the truth.

"And nothing can be done?"

"There are new treatments but they are highly experimental at the moment. I can give you something to take the edge off but in reality, there's not much more that can be done."

XXX

Ed closed the front door a bit to hard. He winced at the sound, hoping he hadn't woken Heiderich up. Half of him wanted to tell Heiderich that he didn't have to work so hard. He wasn't expected to stay and work extra hours everyday. The other half was relieved.

It meant he didn't have to face him so often. See the face that reminded him of his brother, yet was different.

That wasn't why though. He was afraid to spend too much time with Heiderich because he was afraid that the lighter blond would see through him and find out the secret that he hated himself for.

He didn't know when but he had come to care for Heiderich more then he should.

This man that looked like his brother.

Heiderich appeared in the hall. "You're home early."

"Yah, some idiots were ticking me off."

"You can't up and leave every time something happens. You're going to loose your job."

Ed hung up his coat with a 'subject closed' look.

"Aren't you usually in bed right now?"

"I had today off."

Ed stared in amazement.

"What?" Heiderich asked as they made their way to the living room. "Everyone is entitled to a day off now and then."

"Yah but you never use them."

"I had some things to do."

Was it his imagination or had that come out rather darkly somehow?

Ed was starting to worry. Heiderich was one of those people that worked everyday and still managed to get everything else done.

Now that he looked Heiderich was more pail then usual.

XXX

Heiderich saw that Ed sat farther from him then normal. Ed had been like that a lot recently.

He would be fine for a bit then he would find some excuse to leave.

They never had a decent conversation. All Ed talked about was work and his home. He never stopped talking about his home.

It was too much. He was afraid that he wouldn't be able to take it anymore. Too many bad things all at once could make a person self destructive.

Ed fidgeted. not looking at him. "I'm tired. I'm going to bed, kay?" He pasted on a fake smile and left.

Right on cue.

XXX

Heiderich sighed when Ed had gone and cradled his now throbbing head in his hands.

'Oh well,' He thought. 'Only two years and I won't have to put up with it anymore either way.'

He wondered how much stress would affect outcome.

Maybe he would try some of that medication.

And if it got to be to much he couldn't wait, he could always take to many and it would look like and accident.

XXX

Ed watched the slumped figure. He was tempted to go back in and make sure that Heiderich was alright.

If he broke from his restraint once he wouldn't be able to go back.

Ed turned away.

XXX

It had been a long day. There had been so many complications at work that he had ended up staying much longer then usual.

Heiderich was tempted to slump into one of the chairs and plop his head on the table but Ed would be home in a few minutes and if he let his roommate cook he'd set the place on fire.

Again.

So he scourged through the fridge and managed to find something.

Ed was supposed to have gone shopping. It was obvious that hadn't happened.

He heard Edward walk in. "Food won't be ready for another twenty minutes."

"I'll go take a shower then."

Heiderich's thoughts whorled. 'Does he hate me so much he can't even spend a few minutes around me unless he had to?'

A month ago Ed would have offered to help. As disastrous as that would be.

He slammed his fist against the fridge.

"Bad idea." He muttered shaking his soar hand.

The shower was running.

Heiderich tried not to think about it but the emotion that had risen up wouldn't recede.

He turned to fast and found himself on his knees. Eyes squeezed shut as he waited for the room to right itself.

Dizzy spells. That wasn't supposed to be happening yet. It could be the stuff he had been switched to.

He pulled himself up after he was sure it wouldn't happen again.

Ed had, amazingly, made it back downstairs without being late.

Heiderich was tempted to forget about the food in front of him and go to bed but the stairs were something he wasn't in the mood to tackle at the moment.

"Did you poison the food or something?" Ed asked.

"No, I'm just not really hungry."

"Well you have the look for it." He slipped and grinned at the glare Heiderich shot him. "Yah, that one."

Heiderich lightened up a bit. This was the best conversation he'd had with Ed in a long time.

"You know my brother..."

Heiderich tuned the rest out. It was to much to ask for that Ed go five minutes without talking about Al. He understood. It was Ed's brother after all.

Eventually the rational thought didn't play much of a part though.

Ed said they were so much alike but from how he described him Heiderich couldn't agree.

He didn't remember what it was like to live everyday like hope really existed.

Ed had been lost in the past as he spoke. "I can't wait until I find out how to get out of here."

The look Heiderich got brought him back. Like he wanted to yell and cry at the same time. "Yes because it's so horrible here isn't it? Can't you talk about something else for a bit? But why does it matter what I want? I'm just a part of your dream aren't I? You sure have been sleeping for a long time haven't you?" He stabbed his fork into a potato and bit into it. He hadn't looked at Ed the entire time he spoke.

Ed only realized then how often Heiderich got that look. He linked all the times together and a pattern appeared.

He hadn't realized how what he said had to sound.

Ed stormed around the table to Heiderich's side.

"Why didn't you say anything before now? Why didn't you tell me you felt that way?

Heiderich looked up, confused by the drastic turn of events. Ed brought up his flesh hand and ran it through Heiderich's hair and down his cheek. "I'm sorry." The words come out choked.

Heiderich lowered his eyes, chewing his lip. 'Is Ed saying what he thinks I want or dose he mean it?'

"It's a little late. You've already made it clear how much you hate it here." He couldn't take the edge off the words and for a moment he didn't care. Except Ed's hand was still there. It was warm and real and he couldn't think strait.

Heiderich berated him self 'Acting like this over a little touch!'

Not knowing what to say Ed embraced him.

Heiderich stiffened. 'OK! This is more then a little touch!' Ed's fingers pressed against the back of his neck and he relaxed, his brain refusing to do anything other then repeat 'What does this mean?'

Ed felt Heiderich's hands clasping him back and Heiderich pressed his forehead against Edward's abdomen.

He spoke softly, afraid of doing something wrong. "Yes, I want to go back. It's my home. It's where my friends are and I have to know if my little brother is ok. That doesn't mean I hate it here. I might if..." He blushed. Something that rarely happened "If you weren't here."

Heiderich's hands moved to Ed's sides to steady himself as he leaned back and looked up.

"Because I look like him?"

"No! I mean, you look like him but you're not. I feel different about you then I do about him. Heiderich. I love you." That was the hardest thing he ever said yet it came out so easily.

The oblivious confusion melted off Heiderich's face and Ed couldn't read his expression.

He stood and Ed made out pain but it was mingled with joy.

"Why couldn't you have said that in the first place?"

Ed scratched his head. "I sort of thought that maybe you wouldn't be very happy to hear that."

Heiderich shook his head. A faint smile playing at his lips. "You thought wrong then. It wouldn't have hurt so much if I didn't feel the same."

"Well, I've been a complete jerk haven't I?"

"Only most of the time."

They laughed, not knowing what to say or do from here.

It was time to accept what couldn't be changed.

Part Two

Over a year had passed since Ed admitted his feelings.

In the beginning Heiderich had feared they would slip back into earlier patterns or it just wouldn't work.

Ed had proven that fear wrong.

XXX

Heiderich turned away from the sink piled with dirty dishes. Coughs raked through him.

He couldn't get any air, his lungs burned and his thought was numb and felt worn out.

Edward, who had only just gotten home rushed to the sink and filled a half dry glass with water and gave it to his lover.

Heiderich managed to drain it without choking.

He took a shuddering breath, rubbing his chest roughly.

"You need to see someone about that. Its been going on for over a week."

What Ed didn't know was that he had. Eighteen months ago.

Heiderich knew he should have told Edward right away but he had selfishly feared that Ed wouldn't want to deal with it. He feared Ed

would leave, or stay and come to resent him.

It was almost like if he didn't say anything it wasn't true.

But now the clock was running short and it wanted to make sure he knew.

It was worse today then it ever had been. He knew he had to tell Ed before it was to late, he couldn't keep it a secret anymore.

"I'll finish this." Ed indicated the dishes. "You should go rest."

"Are you sure?"

"It's dishes, I'll try not to break anything." Ed said mock dryly.

"There's something I have to talk to you about later." He though that maybe it would be easier if he was rested.

"What is it?"

Ed really had no idea.

"Later." Heiderich said as he left the room.

XXX

He woke up and was surprised to see that the sun had worked its way across the sky.

He had slept longer then he meant.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed he got up and out in one smooth motion.

He knew right away that it had been a bad idea.

He sat back on the edge of the bed trying to breath, all he could manage was a few slight gasps. That wasn't right!

He began to cough again.

Heiderich stared in horror at the red that stained his hand.

"Oh god!" He looked up at the barely whispered words.

Ed ran and knelt in front of him. Inspecting his face. "We need to get you to the hospital."

"They can't do anything." He sounded as strained as he felt.

"What do you mean?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." He had been in regular touch with the hospital and knew how far along he was. "I already went."

He had to say it, no more waiting.

"I'm dying." He winced inwardly, wishing he could have thought of a way to softened the blow.

The gold eyes widened. "No, that can't be." But it could and everything else made sense considering. Heiderich had steadily become more pail, he got sick easily and whenever Ed spoke of the future Heiderich seemed uncomfortable.

"How long have you known?" He had begun to get suspicions.

"I've known for a long time."

Ed paced furiously. "You never thought maybe, I don't know, this might be something I'd want to know?! How dare you wait so long and never say anything! Did you figure it didn't matter how I might feel about that?" Ed fumed.

Heiderich stood. "And don't you think that maybe I was scared?! That I was afraid you'd act like this? That I'm just scared." A sob stuck in his thought and he coughed.

It wouldn't stop this time.

Ed pushed him back onto the bed.

"Heiderich?! I'm sorry ok? Just don't..." He bit his lip. Tears brimming in his eyes.

Ed ran downstairs and dialed the emergency number. After he told them what they needed to know he hung up against their wishes.

Heiderich wasn't coughing anymore when he came in.

He was laying, head tilted to the side, eyes closed.

Edward sat beside him and stroked Heiderich's hair and waited for the ambulance to arrive.

He didn't take his eyes off of Heiderich's chest until then. Afraid that it would still and he would miss it.

XXX

Heiderich was propped up by the pillows, a plastic bracelet on his wrist.

He nervously played with it until Ed lightly swatted his hand.

He sat on the side of Heiderich's bed. "They said he'd be here soon."

Heiderich couldn't say he was prepared because it just wasn't possible but he was as much so as could be expected.

He was worried about Ed. He'd had far less time.

The door opened and he expectantly watched the man that had become familiar over time settle in the chair.

"I know what you want to hear about so I'll skip to it." He couldn't look at Heiderich.

This was the first time he had seen any emotion come from him, it must be bad.

"You have less time then we thought. Even more so if something like this happens again. You can stay here and we will be able to resuscitate you but eventually we will be able to save the body and that will be all. You won't ever wake up again even though technically you will be alive. That will happen in a few weeks. Days after that your body will follow and you'll die.

The other choice is that you can go home until there isn't a choice. If you do, we may not be able to get there in time again."

"Home." He didn't need to think about it. He'd gotten some of his strength back, enough that he wouldn't spend the entire time in bed.

Ed looked unsure and a little jittery. "You sure? If you stay here, you might have longer."

"Not enough longer to make it worth it. I want to be with you and that's final."

He almost wished he hadn't fallen in love. Then he wouldn't have to see Edwards pain. Force him to watch him die.

If he wasn't in love he wouldn't care so much about what was being left behind.

But he was and he did.

XXX

It had been a week and it felt like the energy was being slowly sucked out of him. He had to make a continuous effort to do anything.

He'd begun to fear that if he let the listlessness win everything would be over.

Ed had fallen asleep on the couch beside him.

"Ed?" No answer. "I hope you find what you wanted, I hope you find your place again."

As an afterthought he added "Don't hate the world." Before resting his head on Ed's shoulder and letting sleep carry him somewhere that pain and fear didn't exist, until he would have to face consciousness again.

Soon enough he would find that place.

And stay there.

* * *

A/N: I was thinking of a chapter title and for some reason this popped in my head - 'To late for cookies.' Said in a very dramatically evil voice.

As you can see, I rethought the title.

Oh, and sorry about making Heiderich sound all suicidal earlier . . . It was fun.


End file.
